I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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