The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
