I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I enjoy the company of your penis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
