So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
