it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
