You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
