I'm going to jail i love you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize