I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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