my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
