Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
