Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize