That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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