So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
