Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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