I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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