A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize