After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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