i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
