no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
