you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Too much gin, very little bucket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
try to milk me bitch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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