two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize