Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize