Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
