Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
