DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
