I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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