So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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