I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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