Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
