Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
