God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
