just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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