Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
