my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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