also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
