He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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