Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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