Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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