I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize