If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
