So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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