Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
