Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize