"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
