I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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