Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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