I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize