Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
