I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
