The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
