I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
