new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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