Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
