watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
