break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
