we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
