need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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