You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
