Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize