I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
