goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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