Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
