I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
