It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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