There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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